***Mental Intercourse***

~~~~Before my cousin/brother passed he told me to always justify a male who is right for me if he can do this to me.....Well gues wat? I have found a male whose conversation makes me feel like this. dont take it in a sexual wat because it it really not.~~~~R.I.P. Angel my baby and your wifey is watchinf out 4 me 4 u pa aight?~~~~~~~

I allow you to slip me into somethink more comfortable
something like my mind.
Thought process excite me, I'm stimulated by you,
Deep and hard with waters of critical thinking
while flowing like the rivers of time you gently caress my intellects with your concepts.
As I undress your thoughts with his eyes I know what he wants because,
Imagination never lies.
The truth is all in your head
I know, because so am I.
It's better that way, wetter that way, because creative juices never stop flowing.
while knowing what I need, you gave me a piece of your information.
I seemed nervous, and you know its because
Its my first time sharing my mind.
you said
Dont worry it wont hurt but you might get addicted cuz once you get the feeling its hard to stop
No longer being restricted by physical limitations,
Having the feeling to do it everytime.
Why am I feeling like this?
Some may see us but the still wouldn't know
How softly you rubbed my thought processes.
As we rolled around in my brians master bedroom,
Trying not to knock anything over.
You know i've never felt like this.
You know that NOBODY
Has EVER been this deep inside of me,
I feel exhausted and we didnt even kiss
Feeling as though I were asleep
But this isnt a dream
As you slowly thrust your swollen creativity deep inside my imagination
Rhythimically until our thoughts
EXPLODE simultaneously,
And we collapse in mental orgast
ARE YOU OKAY?

~Today~

I am soo pissed, Im sayin I hate when people play mind games. Why beat around the bush instead of sayin what you really mean or sayin what you really feel. I mean be foreal do mutha fuckas think im stupid? Like yo no comprende ingles? mutha fuck i speak 3 languages and english is definatly my primary one, so why the hell do you keep sendin me coded messages like we in mutha fuckin world war 1. Damn i know u speak english and I know you understand english so y is it that you bumb ass keeps on fuckin with me when i told ya bitch ass i hate mutha fuckin mind games? U claim your the realest nigga out ther but bitch u play more games than i do and you got me by 4 years. Now those reading this tell me 4 real does that shit make any sence? You say i make you realize reality but ya startin to get on my damn nerves with all that bull shit.

~~Hatred~~

I hate you
I wish I never met you
You aggrivate me in everythink that you do.

When ever I feel you presence
I begin to cringe
With you comes a vibe that is negative

Your heart can be as cold as ice
The words you say so sharp that they slice,
Through my heart and my emotions like a razor
Sweet thought of you I could never savor
Hard to believe that at one point I thought you were my male savior.

But I was wrong because I neglected to look at you destructable behavior.
Never thought you would have this hold on me
Never believed you could have such of control of me
Never thought you could change my view of my feminity
Never thought you could change my view of me.

I hate you
I wish I never met you
And when you ask me why I hate you
I will tell you
It's because I STILL LOVE YOU.

~~Wonder~~

I wonder if I could go back in time where would I be today?
Would we love eachother the same way?
I Wonder
How would you feel if I were to physically change?
Would you treat me better? Or in a worst way
I Wonder

What does love really mean to you?
Do you really love me as you say you do?
I Wonder
Do you think of me when you do the stupid things you do?
The effect it will have on the relationship between me and you,
Because honestly, I don't think you do.

Because if you did, you would realize
I no longer smile around you as much as I used to.
Your hood personality, and your street mentality
Your obsessive masculinity,
And you unrealistic accusations take a toll on me and my inner personality.

I tried to change into everything that you want me to be,
But I can't.

As we slip into the future
I Wonder
Will our paths of life intertwine?
Or will we be forced to live our separate lives?
As we progress,
I Wonder.

I wonder will I be yours and you mine?
Or will we be forced to to stand on the side lines
And witness eachother progress in our own lives
APART

As people on the outside look in on our relationship
The think that everything is perfect.
But if only they knew the truth behind the fake smile.
If only they knew the shit I go through.

If only they knew the shit I go through.
If only they knew how much I loved you.
But my love for you is starting to decline.
Because of you I sit up at night and cry,
I cry because im hurt,
Not physically but emotionally
You hurt me in ways that I never thought could be.

Should I stay or should I leave?
I wonder what the effect would be,
What will the future hol between you and me?
Only Time will tell.

~~I Wish~~~

I wish I could go back to yesterday,
I wish I could take back some if the things that I didn't mean to say
Maybe if I could go back to yesterday
I wouldn't be in the predicament that im in today.

I wish I oculd go back to two days ago
Because to tell yo the truth,
you are the worst thing that ever happened to me
I wish I could trust you but I cant.

You think that showing you masculinity makes you a real man?
Well it doesn't
The things you say, eat away at my emotions
At my soul, the break my heart in an instant.

Because in our relationship you think that I should be the one giving all the devotion,
But what about you?
You say you love but I know that its untrue
Because Love couldn't hurt me the way you do.

I wish I never met you
I wish you could realize all the hurt and pain you put me through,
I wish you could understand how much I TRIED TO CHANGE YOU,
FOR THE BETTER.

But after speaking with my better half
I realized that you CAN'T CHANGE A GROWN MAN.

I wish wish I could go back to two years ago
where this hole in my heart,
This hole in my emotions,
This constant stress on my mind
would be
COMPLETLY UNKNOWN.

~Grandpa~

Never really thought you would leave
They say your in a better place but what am I supposed to believe
Was really wishin that you's come out the cancer battle with a victory
But now your just a beautiful memory.

I remember the days when you used to run like an olympic winner
tell us stories while we enjoyed a fresh home cooked dinner
And when it came to lillibies you swore you were the best singer
Told me i had great talent but if we were to compete you'd still be the winner.

I remember how your face lit up when i told you, you correctly recited you A,B,C's
I dont now how you did it but when it came to quick math you had me beat.
Regardless of how much you yelled i still knew you loved me unconditionally
Just wish I had more time to show you the my love will be here perpetually.

Now your gone and I dont know what to call this emptiness that I feel
Just wish I could wake up and see that none of this is real
But i cant because God has finalized the deal
And in his world there's no such thing as a appeal.

I guess thats what it feels like when such a tragic event hits so close to home
I dont know why but on that night over my emotions I had no control
I was sad because I didnt get to say goodbye
Mad because I put all my strength into prayin that he would survive
But content because I know the great deal of pain he would feel if he were still alive.

He was such a strong man
Did not believe anythin could make him so feeble and weak
I wish I could simply see his face and tell him that im sorry
I wish I could let him know how much he did and still does mean to me.

With you wisdom you taught me the way to go
Taught me alot of things a child my age should know
I guess this is how it feels to know
That mt grandfather is now my Guradian Angel.

~~you know who you are~~

Your voice sends a chill up my spine
Its got me thinkin
will this boy one day be mine?
When we speak
your mentality attracts me
your personality captivates me
so often you keep a smile on my face and I didnt think it was a possibility.

Although your older than me
I feel as though out mentalities meet
On a level that is unknown to me
you've sparked my interest
It's almost like you have an invisible hold on me
becauase everything you are is everything i've been looking for

Lately your on my mind constantly
When I allow my mind to run free
I think of all the future possibilities
Will there really be a future between you and me?
As I stated previously
Only time will tell.

~~why?~~

Why couldn't you just tell me the truth?
Seven months of my life I wasted on you
Minipulated me into thinking that I loved you
Told me you loved me but boy that shit was untrue.

You act like a child but mutha fucka your 22
claimed you didn't have game,
But you played me like a damn fool
But thatz alright cuz Karma says that shit'll come back to you
I jus hope you can handle it when its time to pay your dues

But you know what? I dont hate you
Because I sure as hell dont love you
Im not mad at the fact that you cheated with me on the side
Im just mad at the fact that ya bitch ass lied!!..

~Beautifully Malevolent~

Skin like silky chocolate
complexion as stunning as the sunset
but a face like an iceberg.
My comforter in my time of need

Venemous like a snake with words of choice;
When seeking revenge, she stops at nothing to ensure that he wrath is felt.

Face like a morning sunrise without clouds to distort ones vision.
When walkin down the street males stop to see if they have a chance to be with a godess
But at night she cries,
Speaks of unknown scars not realizing the worthiness of her own life.

She leaves for school in the morining dressed as though she were going to a fashion show,
But comes home with new tales of drama.
Conversing with me of new people who insulter her today
For reasons which she cannot avoid
Beauty that she cannot hide.

When she first came to live with me
She did not understand that her mother did not give up on her
But simply decided to send her to Boston to ensure her education.

She felt seperated, felt as though her mother had abandoned her.
A troubled heart filled with anger taken out on me because u were not yet accustomed to me.
But as we slipped into the future and you personalities began to blend
you became my guardian angel.

When I came home crying because someone had crushed my confidence,
She gave me a shoulder to cry on.
She helped me rebuild me self assurance even higher than it was before .
Her peptalks built a wall so high and so powerful that it was indestructable.
Until one day she made me feel a hatred for myself that one could never imagine.

My wall of security, my entire wall of confidence and self assurance,
Demolished
and I was left to pick up the pieces
By Myself

~Untitled~

Long curly hair, Chocolate brown skin, Perfect shape
Large eyes, Long eyelashes
Beautiful, Wild, Energetic, Untamed, Free Minded, Free spirited
Venemoue
Estimable
Showed me how to notice my appealing features
Physically Errorless.